Paradox

 As an artist, it’s my job to make something and tell people to look at it and hope they notice me. Because that’s how you make money as an artist. If someone notices you, then hopefully that person shows your work to other people. And hopefully those people tell more people until someone decides they want to exhibit your work. And hopefully someone attends this exhibit, buys your art, and hangs it in their home. And hopefully an art critic sees your work and writes a good review about you. And hopefully that gets you more attention, more people come to your exhibits, and more people buy your work. And hopefully the snowball of success keeps rolling until finally when you’ve been dead 200 years your work hangs on museum walls and you’re remembered as ‘one of the greats.’

         Or something like that.

         The dream for every artist is to see their work hanging in a museum. The dream is to be recognized for their creativity and the hours they’ve put in to improve their skills. In order to do that, you have to draw attention to yourself and your work and hope someone notices. For me, there’s just one problem.

         I hate drawing attention to myself.

         I am an extreme introvert. In fact, on the Myers Briggs test, I’m 93% percent introverted. I hate public speaking and I’m terrified to raise my hand in class. I’m fine talking to people one on one, but I’m a nervous wreck in front of a crowd. Just the thought of doing anything that says ‘Hey, pay attention to me,’ is horrifying.

         And yet, I chose to be an artist.

         The thing I’m most passionate about and that I’m best at goes completely against my nature and my personality. One of the main job requirements for an artist is to draw attention to yourself because that’s how you succeed in this industry. And that is exactly the last thing I ever feel like doing.

         I’m a living paradox. I’m an artist who doesn’t want attention. I’m a creator who hates being noticed. Doing what I need to do in order to be successful in what I love makes want to crawl out of my own skin and hide under a rock.

         But I don’t need to be comfortable. In fact, I shouldn’t be. If I were comfortable with everything I did, I would never grow, as a person, or as an artist.

         So, I choose art over comfort. I choose to follow my passion and do what I love even though I know it means having to draw attention to myself when everything in me is saying not to.

         Therefore, to everyone reading this, though I have to push aside my every instinct to say this, I have one request of you;

         Notice me.